


How To Be Something You Miss

by jfcmartin



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Last Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 12:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7438491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jfcmartin/pseuds/jfcmartin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know what’s worse than breaking up? Drifting apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Be Something You Miss

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway its 3 AM I just wanted to write a fic about Last Kiss right now because I might forget it tomorrow (or later) anyway. All mistakes are mine if u wanna beta it thats great i just wanna post it already im sleepy goodnight

Dan had mixed feelings for airports. On one hand, they were places where family and friends are reunited after a long time, filled of longing hugs and kisses, and essentially something that reminded him that people would come back to you. On the other hand, it was a place where people are separated for weeks, months, even years. There were usually tears, and desperate hugs where people would cling on to every single second before letting go.

In Dan’s case, it was a little bit of both.

“Hey Dan!” Phil ran up to him and gave him a hug.

“Welcome back, nerd,” Dan said, folding the piece of paper he’s been holding up that read _Welcome Home, Phil_.

Phil just came home from Florida after visiting his family. Dan was used to being alone at the flat for a few weeks, since they’d Skype every day anyway so that Phil could talk about his adventures for the day before he dozed off. But this time, however, he isn’t here to stay.

His parents asked him to take over their marmalade company. They have been cutting their budget and fired a lot of their workers, so Phil had to be there to save some money and probably help find solutions to help the company survive. Phil just came back to London to grab his stuff from the flat and move out.

He wore his famous yellow Jake the Dog hoodie, it made him appear radiant, like the sun, in contrast to the grey lifeless airport. Dan usually preferred duller colors, but in this occasion, he wanted to have a little bit of joy to help him survive.

It was raining outside, so Dan brought an umbrella to use while they waited for a taxi to hail. Of course, just as they came closer to the exit, the umbrella jammed and couldn’t seem to open.

“I think I found one, Dan!” Phil exclaimed as he ran out of the airport and into the rain, dragging his luggage behind him and waving his arms at the street.

“Phil!” Dan ran for him and he was soaked in seconds. “Phil, why didn’t you just wait back there? No one’s gonna take us anymore, we’re fucking wet!” He crossed his arms to try and warm himself.

Phil turned to face him and smiled. “Suppose you’re right. Let’s just take the underground tube.” He grabbed Dan’s hand and together, they walked two blocks to the nearest tube station.

* * *

Phil seemed to have mapped out the things he’d be taking with him back to Florida, since he was almost finished in two hours. He had two luggages to carry, one was filled with clothes and such while the other was filled with filming equipment and basically anything he’s deemed worthy of taking with him to Florida.

“What about this?” He held up the shibe plushie that has been given to them by a fan.

Dan sifted through Phil’s closet as he said, “Don’t be ridiculous, take it with you. When you’re in Florida, you won’t have me to cuddle when you’re having nightmares anymore.” He quirked his eyebrows upward.

Phil stood up and walked behind Dan, wrapping his arms around him with the shibe still in his hand. He nuzzled his head into Dan’s neck and trailed soft kisses up and down. Dan sighed in content.

“You know nothing would change between us, right?” Phil asked, his voice muffled.

Dan raised his hand to run his fingers on Phil’s hair. “Of course,” he whispered, though his voice was filled with uncertainty.

Phil lifted his head to meet Dan’s eyes. “It’ll be just like when we first met. We’d Skype everyday, probably send each other mail if we had to,” he tickled Dan’s sides and added, “jack off in front of the camera.”

Dan swatted his hands away, “ _Phil_!” They both laughed. He turned around and wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and mumbled, “Though it won’t be the same without you.”

Phil smirked and leaned in, latching his lips on Dan’s. It was a slow and deliberate kiss, one that showed affection and care. Phil ran his tongue on Dan’s bottom lip and Dan took it as an invitation to let him in; it sent shivers down his spine.

They broke away from the kiss, panting heavily. “I promise I’ll visit you sometimes,” said Phil.

“Are you sure? Promise you’d be here for PINOF 9?” Phil nodded. “Christmas?” He nodded again. “Valentine’s day?” Phil raised his eyebrows. “You definitely have to be here on my birthday and get me a gift, preferably a--” he interrupted him with a kiss.

He tilted his head to the side to nip at his earlobe and whispered, “I promise. I love you, Dan.”

And he believed him.

* * *

“So this is it, then,” Phil said, looking at the screen above them to look for his flight number and gate. It was July nine, the day Dan has been dreading since Phil got back.

“Yeah,” Dan croaked, clutching onto Phil’s hand as if it were his lifeline. He didn’t care if anyone saw them together, it’s the last few minutes they could hold each other in a very long time, and he didn’t want to waste any of it.

Right now, he hated airports.

Phil wrapped his arm around Dan’s shoulders and squeezed gently. They enjoyed the silence between them for a few seconds. He pulled Dan towards him and that’s when Dan started to cry.

He sobbed onto Phil’s jacket, hugging Phil tightly. It was quite pathetic; he’d usually make fun of people crying at airports, but now he was in their place, and it _fucking hurts_. It was like there was a lump in his throat that kept him from breathing and his eyes won’t stop shedding tears.

_It’s not like Phil died, get a grip, Howell,_ he scolded himself, but it made him cry even more. _What if the airplane crashes? What if Phil gets eaten by an alligator?_ A lot of what if’s clouded his head because Phil’s going to a new chapter in his life, and Dan wasn’t there for him.

It was fucking selfish of him.

Phil tried to blink back the tears in his eyes. He kissed Dan’s forehead and whispered things like _‘it’s alright_ ’, or ‘ _I’m always here for you_ ’ even if they were all lies. Dan tried to ignore them and instead focused on keeping Phil close to him, since it was the only thing that helped him anyway.

“I have to go now, Dan,” he said, trying to push Dan away.

Dan shook his head and clung onto Phil harder. “No, no, no, please.” The reality of Phil leaving him finally hits him like a tidal wave, and he’s drowning.

Phil cupped his face and kissed him. It was the first time they’ve ever kissed in public, in fear of their fans seeing them, but it was the only thing that kept both of them from falling apart. It probably wasn’t the most desirable kiss, with their tears in the mix, but the emotion it bore carried the kisses they will never have for god knows how long.

They broke apart for air. Dan didn’t want to stop; he has all the time in the world to breathe, but not enough to be with Phil.

“Please stay, Phil. Don’t leave me, please.” His voice cracked at the last word.

Phil’s lips trembled as he shook his head, guiding Dan’s hands to his sides. “I’m sorry, Dan.” He gave Dan a final peck on the lips before walking away.

Dan tucked his hands into his arms as he watched Phil walk towards the guards, placing his backpack onto the conveyer belt and stepped into the metal detector. He looked back at Dan, who bit on his balled fist, and waved at him one last time. Phil turned a corner and he was gone

* * *

 

Another thing Dan had mixed feelings for were drama scenes on movies where the character threw things in the room and made a general mess of everything because they’re upset. He thinks it showcases the true acting skills of the actor, but in a realistic sense, it was completely pointless to throw objects around only to pick them up later. Dan thought it would cause him more stress than actual relief.

But this time, as soon as he stepped into his room, he threw as much things as he can from his desk, his dresser, and bookshelf. Dan hated to admit that sort of helped him. Seeing the objects that reminded him of Phil get destroyed just like their relationship, it reminded him that it was _over_. That no matter what Phil says, they will never work out in the end.

Once he felt like he’s had enough, he crawled into his duvet and fell asleep instantly.

* * *

It was only when he woke up, Dan realized that he was right. Throwing things around was gonna be stressful later. He sighed and picked up everything that wasn’t broken and placed them in random surfaces. He trashed the broken objects like a snow globe and his tetris lamp, and took the hoover to pick up small debris.

When he attempted to hoover under his bed, something stuck into it. Dan turned it off and checked to see what it was: Phil’s yellow hoodie. Dan snapped his eyes shut and balled it up in his fist. He wondered what Phil could be doing right now. Watching a movie? Eating crappy airline food? Listening to music? Was he thinking about him?

Dan tried to calm himself by sitting on the foot of his bed and hugged Phil’s hoodie tightly, as if it was Phil himself. He took a deep breath into the hoodie, it smelled just like him. His eyes stung once more and he was back to crying.

* * *

Dan opened his Instagram and viewed all Phil’s recent pictures, even if he’s seen them a hundred times. Most of them were of him hanging out with some new, _more respectable_ friends of his. They all wore suits and ties, and in casual occasions, a dress shirt.

Phil introduced them to him one time. It was when they were settling an advertisement for their new product. Phil named each of them and as they waved at the camera, and once the introductions were over, he was completely ignored. Dan pretended to be busy with editing a video to end the video call. As if he was needed anyway.

He didn’t even remember any of their names. None of them stuck out to Dan as someone special. But that’s okay, they probably don’t remember his name either.

He didn’t like this new Phil. Frankly, this wasn’t Phil anymore.

He said they’d handle long distance relationships, but considering the fact that Dan was five hours ahead of him, their schedules didn’t exactly jive together. Every time Phil finally got free time, Dan was fast asleep. And every time Dan had free time, Phil was still at work. Video calls with Phil has become less and less until it dissolved to nothing at all.

He said they’d still make Youtube videos together, but Phil’s job has changed him. He claimed to be more mature and organized with his life now that he didn’t need to make Youtube videos anymore. It was a shit excuse, but it didn’t stop Phil anyway.

He had a hard time coaxing their fans into understanding Phil’s decisions. Everyone asked why was Phil inactive on Youtube, because apparently being too busy with his family’s company wasn’t a good enough excuse. A lot of them asked questions like: Why wouldn’t he make some in his spare time? Why didn’t he just let Martyn do it? Why would Phil do this?

The longer they were apart, the more Dan started to ask those questions as well.

But even so, Dan only had one question in his head that encompassed the rest.

_So why did you go away?_


End file.
